I went to Starbucks tonight to prepare for my University 101 class discussion tomorrow on the book Blink. It snuck up on me -- and I've got to lead a discussion in the morning and needed to re-read my chapters and take notes. But for the past two days I've been pretty distracted as my good friend, Jon Conyers, was dying about six hours away from me. So this entry is actually a prayer I sat down and wrote before I could get started on my homework. I find that my best way of praying is writing, and luckily I don't fight that inclination at all, but need to put it into practice more.
November 5, 2008 -- 8:25 pm, in Starbucks
Dear Lord,
As I sit here sad, distracted, I feel full of regret. For not seeing Jon before he died, for not having a regular quiet time, fow what I feel is my inability to love and care for my mom properly, for not even eating well or exercising. I feel bad mostly for thinking I can do it all myself and neglecting prayer, which in turn appears to be a lack of faith. I don't lack faith, but I'm not letting my faith guide me. And as I sit here and my phone beeps, I have a voicemail from my friend Cindy. Lord, you are so faithful! You make yourself known to me over and over, yet I push you off into the corner. I don't stop to pray. I don't stop to say thank you. I can prod Kate all day long on her manners, but I reserve the role of hypocrite for myself. The only cure for regret is peace -- and it's exactly what I need right now. While Jon may have needed my prayers -- what was more needed was for me to pray. He had peace; I did not. Lord I pray I find the peace that only you can give. The peace that dulls the edges of emotion and pain; that brings light from darkness; that replaces sadness with a lightness of spirit. Forgive my sins; ease me onto your path, yet again. In Jesus' name, Amen
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